Sunday, August 24, 2008

Making My Own Way

I've been ruminating over something quite a bit the past several months. Surprisingly, out of nowhere, the Husband asked me the exact question a few days ago that I've been trying to figure out.

He asked me how it felt to no longer have parents living. In odd quiet moments this thought has popped into my head. I'm only in my mid 40's and like everyone else that has lived this long with parents still walking the earth, your rational mind tells you that someday they will be gone, but you never really grasp the reality of it until they are gone. I'm assuming here of course that one has a healthy relationship with their parents.

I've been trying to put it into words in my own mind so I could catalog the feeling, and file it away under that heading. But I'm finding it very difficult. Simple adjectives like 'sad' just don't describe the complexities of the emotion.

My parents were the prow of the ship, cutting the waves for my brothers and I to follow more easily behind. We have taken over that job, being battered so our children can easily follow. Even though I have been doing this job for my children since they were born, it seems harder now, more important. It feels as though I have now become the elder, the wise one. The one with the wealth of life experience. It is a heavy burden.

I just hope that I can live up to the example set by my parents.

No comments: