What a Slacker

I have a good excuse. I finally said "enough" to my depression.

For those of you that are rolling your eyes right now, thinking that you've bumbled across another self-absorbed blog, you may move along to that shopping you were going to do. I understand. I used to feel the same way. One simply did not talk about mental health issues.

It took me several years to figure out that I couldn't snap myself out of it. I finally broke down and asked for help. There's no shame in asking for help. One would think that I had been raised in a British household. Stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on. Without going into detail, it took me 16 years as a mother to realize that we, as adults, continue the example our parents set for us. Brick, meet my head.

Fifteen years ago I was thrust into a role, that I neither wanted nor had the skill for. It wasn't that of being a mother, it was that role of being the glue that held the extended family together. What finally pushed me into the depression was the guilt I felt when my glue wasn't sticky enough and it all fell apart. That and my daughter pointing out that I didn't laugh any more. Knife, meet my heart.

So with the help of a therapist, some really good doctor prescribed drugs, and some knitting, I am slowly digging myself out of this collapsed tunnel back to the light. It's a process. Keep calm, and knit on.

 

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What a summer!

Monkey Trucker! The summer is half over! I think I've used enough exclamation points! (dammit!). I better quit.

I realized the other day that I had not posted in a while. I started thinking that I really had nothing exciting or note worthy to write about. But doesn't that make for the best summer?

Summer is supposed to be about a whole lot of nothing. I was just sitting here thinking about what I have accomplished the past month and a half. At the Girl's urging, I read the Hunger Games series. It didn't take very long. It's an easy read, and I was sucked into the story.

I've managed to get the kids to help around the house more. I know it doesn't sound like much, but to me it's a big deal. Because those of us with children know how kids love to clean and do chores.

I've also taken the time to work on me. I don't feel comfortable admitting this to just anyone, so with out going into detail, let's say I'm working on some issues. I'm really glad I took this step, and I feel as though there is a way out. Its a very common condition for women of a certain age, and not one to be ashamed of, I'm just not ready to blurt it all out here to the 3 people (!) (bugger, another one) who read this.

There has been knitting, but not as much as I would like.

That is the Apples in Clover tam by Anne Hanson, made with the lovely Loft yarn by Jared Flood. It's a club offering, so I don't know if the pattern has been made available to non-club members yet. When I took this picture, I realized that I had switched the background color and the main color halfway through the design at the top. I'm trying to convince myself that no one will notice, the problem is that I notice.

So I'll sit here quietly so as not to disturb the 12 year old Thing 1 that fell asleep with his head in my lap on a sunny summer morning, and contemplate what I'll attempt to accomplish the rest of the summer, because isn't dreaming what summer is all about?

 

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I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey work of the stars *

The hole in my back yard has turned into this.

 

That picture was taken before the pool dudes were completely done. The piles of dirt are now gone, but I have nice level mud in it's place. I feel like I am using the same amount of water to fill the dang thing, as I am trying to get grass to grow. So far all I have are little bitty leaves of grass right at the pool's edge.

I am also trying hard to resist this.

That, my friends, is a slice of banana heaven. I love the little town I live near. One day as I was driving along the main street through town, a pick up truck pulled up next to me with a trailer hitched to it. Inside the trailer was a sheep making it known she was not happy to be there! There is a field of cows across the street from my daughter's school, and we have a wonderful local yarn store. Besides all of that, there is this little diner that has been open since the 1930's that has fried chicken and pie that will bring tears of joy to your eyes.

 

I also plan to get much knitting done this summer. That is the Poinsettia Cowl by Anne Hanson in Blackberry Ridge sport blend. Black yarn is very difficult to photograph. For a better picture, follow the link.

As Walt Whitman wrote, "Give me the splendid, silent sun with all his beams full-dazzling."

* Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

 

Stop Getting Older

Tomorrow my middle kidlet, the Girl, will be 14. I always thought that it was goofy when, as a kid, my mom would implore me to stop growing and getting older. I get it now.

I don't care about the fact that I'm getting older and fatter. I do care that my kidlets are moving closer to not needing me for every little thing. Hungry, you say? Go make yourself a sammich! You're filthy, I say. Go take a shower, and hang up your towel! No longer having to make their every meal, pour their every drink, and hang over the edge of the tub during bath time has given me more free time.

I now have time to still clean up after the little girl who wanting to be like mommy took a dozen eggs, sat on the floor and proceeded to crack, or smash, each one in, or near, a bowl. She still likes to crack eggs, but these days she manages to get them in the bowl, combine it with other ingredients, and come up with something yummy. I still have to clean the kitchen when she is finished.

The Girl who used to give her mom sweet hugs, now punches her with a fist that feels like a hammer during a competitive round of "punch buggy". Whose idea was it to put the girl in karate so she could defend herself? Dad's. Guess what, dad, she's going to knock anyone out that tries to manhandle her. Don't believe me? Take a look at the bruise on my upper right arm!

When she was born, my mother in law was so excited to finally have a granddaughter, that she flew into the room minutes after the Girl was born with nary a glance in my or the Husband's direction, and went straight to the Girl. That was the moment that I realized that she was really going to be something special. She may never be well known for curing cancer or the common cold, but that's o.k. She will always be special to those that love her.

Although it is bittersweet seeing her growing up, I know that she is going to do wonderful, great, majestic things with her life. She has the strength, the intelligence, and compassion to blaze her own trail.

 

Watch This Space

 

In My Fridge

I really need to work on the kidlet's spelling.

Happy Vernal Equinox

What a gorgeous spring! I hope I'm not going to jinx it by writing it out loud. Although we are only approximately 13 hours into it, so far, so good. Here is the view from my lap. I really need to weather proof the deck furniture.

Speaking of gorgeous, I joined Anne Hanson's Bare Naked Knitspot Club. I'm not usually one to join knitting clubs or knit-alongs unless they really grab my attention. This one not only grabbed me, but it held on and possibly pinched a little.

After learning how to spin, I didn't purchase already processed fiber. I jumped in with both feet and bought fleeces. I have always loved the idea of seeing a fiber in its natural state. I feel that you can see its true beauty. I compare it to seeing a woman without her make up. You really get to see her, not the face she wants you to see.

Before you start to think I'm a crunchy granola earth mom, there is a time to slap a little color on your face and yarn, like when you are heading out to a wedding and you have the perfect red wrap to go with your little black dress. Just be careful not to tread down Christina Aguilera Street with the facial slap. Where was I? Oh, yeah.

The first offering of the club is a beautiful springy two ply merino from Mountain Meadow Wool. Anne did a stellar job with this one. I can't wait to finish this wrap because the second installment has arrived, and it's yak! Yak, y'all! We'll yak later.

My iPad is broken.

I can't see the screen.


Nevermind, I fixed it.

Murray!



That is what has been hollered most frequently at my house the past 2 weeks. It's usually followed by a "shuddup". We've taken in the PD's dog, since she has taken in Aunt Brenda's kitties. We should have taken the cats, they are quieter.


In between yelling at the dog, I've made decent progress on Gwendolyn. I'm using some Cascade 220 for the main color and some leftover Beaverslide Dry Goods for the contrast.

I'm getting my geek on with this project. Several months ago, the Husband and I treated ourselves to an iPear (you know what I'm talking about). I downloaded a great app called Knit Companion. It's not free, but I think it's worth it. It allows you to download a pdf of a pattern and cut and paste, highlight, enlarge charts, and make notes.

Yes, there is a little mistake on the sweater, but it's not enough for me to go back and fix it. As far as the cables, like the T-shirt says, that sh*t will block right out.

I'm off to go knit a muzzle for Mr. McYappypants!

What is Normal?

The past 3 weeks have been far from normal. My father-in-law, henceforth known as The Beard, had knee replacement surgery about 3 weeks ago. Three days after he was home from the hospital, my mother-in-law (The Gaggs) was rushed to the hospital with a perforated bowel. Thus necissitating the upheaval of our and my sister-in-law's (PD) lives during what was to be a normal holiday season.

This required many drives to the in-law's house to take care of The Beard since he was not completely mobile, visits to the hospital, setting up Skype on everyone's computer, picking up groceries for the invalid, and making up schedules as to who was to stay with The Beard since his primary care giver was now in the hospital. Eventually, it worked out for The Beard and The Gaggs to be transferred to the same rehab center so they could see each other, and family members only had one place to go to visit both.

In the middle of this, The Beard's lovely sister Brenda was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on her spine and was operated on to remove the tumor. Because of the tumor's location, she could possibly be looking at permanent paralysis from the waist down.

This is what has had me ruminating on the meaning of "normal". I was looking forward to the holiday break, because it would afford me with much time to knit, an activity many are aware that I am fond of. I even thought I could get some time in with the alpaca fleece. Between running to the hospitals, rehab centers, laundry, trying to make Christmas as joyful and normal as possible to the kids, it didn't happen.

Now, I keep telling myself when things get back to normal, I'll have time to knit. But what is "normal"? Lovely Aunt Brenda who has never married, nor had children, is relying on nieces and nephews to help her navigate her new normal. I realized how dramatically her life has changed the other day as I watched her learn how to put her shoes and socks on using aids since she really doesn't have the ability to bend at the waist and use her hands to do this. I also realized how much longer it will now take her to prepare herself in the morning to go about her day.

In spite of this, her life has not really changed much. She will still be able to perform her same job. One that only required her to sit at a desk and use a computer and telephone. She still has the support of a family that loves her and wants to help. It took every bit of my self control not to walk over and put her socks on her, because I couldn't stand to see her struggle with such a simple task. I knew if I did, she would whack me with her grabby stick she uses to reach things. She's very determined, and that has not changed. She's a scrappy broad, always has been.

I am now in the process of wading through the muck that disguises itself as social services, to see what help is out there for Brenda. This is my normal for the next several weeks or months. Everyone's normal is different, and sometimes it changes. Your normal is what you make it.

Martina Navratilova said it best, "I shouldn't say I'm looking forward to leading a normal life, because I don't know what normal is. This has been normal for me."

And that is what I thought of 2011. Especially the last bit.

Thank Cheezit's it's over. This year can only get better, right? I've never been a fan of Christmas. There's too much pressure. I never used to understand why, when I worked as a travel agent, people would come in and book vacations over the holidays. They would say things like, "I want to get away from the family". I so get it, now.

I hate people creating drama when there doesn't need to be any. We were smacked in the head right before Christmas with some emergency family health issues. The father-in-law had knee replacement surgery. No big deal, we knew it was scheduled. Three whole days after he is home from the hospital, the mother-on-law has emergency surgery for a perforated bowel. The day after Christmas, the aunt-in-law has emergency surgery for a cancerous tumor on the spine. That was not the drama.

The drama was the chaos created by everyone having an opinion about the care of the invalids. If I learned anything about this holiday season, it's to plan early on where to go. Hotels book up quickly. Oh, and I'll conviently forget to bring my cell phone charger.

My New Obsession...When I Can Get to It

Several years ago I decided that I wanted to try spinning. A year later I took a spinning class from a fantastic teacher at my local guild. Months later I bought a wheel. I bought this alpaca fleece about a year ago, hence the "when I can get to it" part of the title.

This comes from Hawkspass Farm. The lovely fellow that donated his fleece to me is Tribute.

I am completely enamored of the transformation the fleece takes once it has been washed.

Hopefully, there will be a finished project from all this fleece, when I can get to it.

Project Mania

I'm so excited I just can't hide it. Well, maybe I can. I've been told that I'm very laid back.

Anywhoodle. The projects. We have lived in this house for 11 years. Most every room is still the same color as when we moved in, plus crayon art...on...every...single...wall. We have second hand furniture through out the house (not the beautiful antique kind, but the found by the side of the road kind), and the house is very unorganized (personally, I feel we have too much stuff, yarn is not included in this definition).

For years I have wanted to do something about it, but lack of money and time have prevented us from doing anything major. Now, I have both! Our list of improvements to the house is long, and it will be a time consuming endeavor, but I am up to the challenge.

The problem is how to tackle it. The Husband and I are of two minds on the subject. He doesn't see any reason not to have multiple projects going on at once. I would prefer to pick one, and see it through to completion in all of it's little steps.

Both of our views are analogous to knitting. He would be the knitter that has multiple WIPs. I am the knitter, that although I have multiple WIPs, I don't like to have too many to the detriment of all. If you have too many, it's possible that one or two could suffer.

You could think you have the pattern memorized to that lacy scarf, but realize towards the 50th inch of it that you screwed up. This does not bode well if you are also a perfectionist at heart. (I was also described as a perfectionist, but that was before having to share my house with those that are not. I gave up on that.)

But if you have multiple projects going on, this would indicate that you are an impatient soul. You want it all, and you want it now. My father always said that if you had everything you wanted, you'd have nothing to look forward to.

It will be fun to see how this all plays out. Keep tuned.

What a Fall!

Excuse me, I fell down the high school marching band rabbit hole. With the Boy having 2 hour rehearsals three times a week, plus a football game on Fridays and competitions on Saturday (his marching band earned 4 "Grand Champion" awards this year and a superior rating at the state competition), I've been a bit busy. Thank John Phillip Sousa it's over until next year.

All that time sitting in the car waiting for practice to be over, or waiting for the buses to get back to school (after they broke down one hour away from their destination) has yielded some knitting. I am about 50% done with Thing 2's Harry Potter sweater. This is the one I started last winter and had to rip, because he grew. It's not very exciting to look at, thus no picture.

I also have a pair of socks going that I just leave in the car, so I am never without knitting if I suddenly find myself waiting. It's just a plain old vanilla sock pattern which is good for throwing on a few rounds if the wait is short.

Pardon the crappy photo, it was taken with my phone. I'm much further along now. There has been much waiting. I'm using Opal Rainforest in tiger, knit on a 9" circular needle. The wee little needle is fun. I had tried it out before, but didn't like it. I was strictly a dpn sock knitter. I think I didn't like it because I knit with the yarn held in my right hand.

After I learned to knit Portuguese style, it was easier to use this needle. I don't think I'll completely give up knitting socks with dpns, but this is a fun change.

I've also been washing, carding, and spinning an alpaca fleece I've had for a year. This is my first attempt at spinning from fleece to yarn. It's amazing how easy it is. I had always been in awe when I would read about the process on other blogs. Don't let them fool you.

Washing the fleece is no more than picking out the ick, and putting bits of it in the sink with soap or a scouring agent to soak, rinse, and repeat (if necessary). After it's dry, it can be carded while watching television. It's the equivalent of doing garter stitch without looking.

The part that takes the most concentration is the spinning. To me, this is the most fun part and I wouldn't want to miss it by dividing my attention between spinning and something else.

Although I do love seeing the Boy occasionally walk past my shoe box full of clean fiber, stopping to stick his hands in it, and hearing him say, "mmm, alpaca". There's hope yet for that Boy.

Wan meet fo lunch? We go Buggah King!

Christmas Knitting/Crocheting

Are you getting ready to start your holiday knitting? I know. Who wants to think about that time of year when it's still hotter than your husband sitting down to knit after first making you dinner and tidying up, but not before he lovingly rubs your feet.

If you would be so kind as to add one more person to your gift list, they would be ever so grateful. How about whipping out a scarf or a hat for one of our military personnel serving away from home this year? Operation Gratitude is asking for donations of handmade scarves to include in their care packages. All the information is there, just follow the link.

If you do this, you will lose 20 pounds over night, your hair will be shiny, and you will find $50 in the pocket of the coat you wore last winter. Well, maybe you'll just feel smug for doing something nice for a stranger.

Great Googly Moogly


It's August, already? But summer just got here. I need a do-over. Band camp has come and gone for the Boy, Thing 1 and Thing 2 are complaining that we've only gone to the pool once, and the Girl, well, she's been hiding in her room.


It has been a productive summer, knit wise. As far as accomplishing things around the house, not so much.





I did finish the fat green socks that had started out to be for me, but they became the Husband's socks along the way. This the Country Socks pattern from Nancy Bush's "Folk Socks" using Sheep Shop's Sheep 3 yarn (say that 5 times fast). I was a little late to the Sheep 3 party, as it's been discontinued, and I love it. Of course. I finally found a bra that I loved, didn't buy eleventy of them, and now they are discontinued. I know, TMI.





The very next day I cast on the Hair Tamer. The Girl has convinced me that since I have had bangs since 7th grade, that it was time for a change. Hence the need for a hair tamer. The pattern (Cabled Headband by Jennifer Hagen from "The Knitter's Book of Yarn") called for the headband to be the same width for the whole circumference, but some one more brilliant than I on Ravelry suggested tapering the back to make it more comfortable. This is wide enough that on cold days I can wear it over my ears, or I can push it behind my ears if I'm embarrassing the Girl by wearing it over my ears.





I also started and finished my new favorite sweater. This one will be getting a lot of use. Its the Garter Stitch jacket by Fleece Artist. The only modification I made was to leave out the waist shaping. I asked the Girl to model it for Le Blog, and she complained that it was itchy. Good. I won't need to go trawling through her room when I want to wear it.


I'm currently working on the Frisco Whip Cowl (another cowl!). This may end up being a gift for a friend in Syracuse. She gifted me (well, I strong armed her) with 2 jars of her pickles, 1 jar of pickled beets, and 1 jar of her pickled green beans. She is the pickling queen. She has red hair, lives where it's cold 10 months of the year, and gave me pickles. It will be perfect for her.


I've also started on the Dorflinger Tee. I'm not sure if this is "me". The beauty is that it's knit top down, so I can try it on and decide if it's "me" without having to finish it first.

Camping in the Great Outdoors


Well, duh, I guess you could camp in the living room. There'd be less bugs, and we wouldn't spend the first night sleeping in wet clothes.


This past July, yea, I'm a little late, the kidlets and I did our yearly trek to Watkins Glen State Park for a week of bugs, rain, dirt, and holy poison ivy those birds are loud at day break! Good times.


A sideways photo of the Boy asleep after a night of pouring rain.*

We met up with friends of mine from college and their respective kids and dogs.

We went for hikes,
we visited wineries (one of which was very hippy-dippy and had this Keith Moon autographed drum),
and we had good food, heard good music, and saw a beautiful sunset all at another winery.




This lovely creature rode home with us. His name is Ringo, and he is a service dog in training. We gave him a lift, because his trainer (my friend that lives in Massachusetts) was in southern Ohio, while we camped with the rest of his family in NY. He was a delight, even if he did leave behind a carpeting of hair in my car.



*Crappy photos taken with cell phone. I forgot the good camera.

A Tribute to My Mom

That is (was) a plate of blueberry muffins. My mom had a recipe for blueberry muffins that I have never seen its duplicate. I've also never tasted its duplicate. Mom used to make these for every church bake sale, and they were the first to sell out.

Luckily, I have the recipe. I have since let the Girl in on the "secret" so she can make them. Whenever they are made, they are devoured within 24 hours. My Mom's name for the recipe was the simple, yet alluring "blueberry muffins". We have changed the name to the more descriptive "Grandma Margie's blueberry muffins". This isn't the first recipe name change I have made. I changed "molasses cookies" to "Mamoo Ruth's molasses cookies".

I think there is no better way than to keep a loved one's memory alive for later generations than through food. Every time we make these muffins, it's a chance for me to tell the kids about the grandma they never knew. By following her recipe, it's like she's there guiding them through the steps to the best blueberry muffin ever.

But you don't need to have a favorite recipe from a long gone family member to remember them by. I had a great aunt named Edna. She was by far the funniest person in my extended family. She was prone to making hysterical statements in her hillbilly twang that would bring tears of laughter to your eyes. Whenever some one starts telling stories about Edna, there would always be a mention of the mouthwatering blackberry cobbler she made in her cast iron skillet, followed by the lament that she never passed on the recipe (if she even used one.)

Not only is food a great way to remember some one, it can also bring great comfort by reminding us of that person. Years ago when my mother learned that the cancer could no longer be treated and she had only days, I asked her if there was anything special she would like to eat. She requested the molasses cookies that my grandmother (her mother) used to make. I had the recipe and rushed home to make a batch. My mother only had the energy to eat one, but at least she had one before she passed, hopefully bringing her some peace.

It's enough for me that some day my kidlets will remember their grandma and great-grandma this way. If I don't come up with something, they'll be telling my grandkidlets that this grandma really knew her way around a box of macaroni and cheese!

JayZ on a Cracker!



Enough already. The local news reported this morning that we are having the wettest April on record with over 11" this month, and we still have 5 more days to go. To make matters worse, here's the local forecast for the next 7 days.

At least it's warm.

All this rain has been a boon to my knitting. Since I've not been able to get out and work in the yard, I have started and finished a few projects.

The first is a watch cap I knit for the Husband using the Portuguese knitting method. This technique involves very little hand movement. The working yarn can either be carried from your right, around your neck, to your left where it is in use on your needles. Or it can be carried from your right, hooked on a knitting pin, and down to your right. The yarn is to the front of your needles for both purling and knitting, and you only need to use your left thumb to flick the yarn into place.

Here's a link to an episode of Knitting Daily with Andrea Wong explaining the method. It's about 8 minutes long, but pretty interesting.

I didn't take picture of the project, because it's a black watch cap. Boring.

But this isn't boring.

I found myself on a cowl kick. That there is the Ptarmigan cowl by the brilliant Jared Flood using Knitpicks Gloss in fingering. That's not the best picture, but you get the idea. I love this cowl. It's got some extra length to it, but it's not so loose that it flops to the base of your neck like other cowls I've made. This was easy and fast.

The next cowl I made was the Pretty Thing by the ever witty Stephanie Pearl-McPhee. I used Plymouth Earth Ecco Cashmere (said with reverence), and I still have have half of the skein left! The only problem I had with this project was that I had Michael Jackson's "PYT" as an ear worm during the knitting of this cowl. Very distracting. Listen if you dare.

Finally, I finished the Audrey Triple Wrap. No ear worms here, thank JayZ. This is made using Audrey by the Schaefer Yarn Company. The colors are beautiful, yet subtle.

Right. I'm off to look at the possibility of moving to Seattle. They can't possibly get this much rain in a month, can they?