Life with a Cop
Things the Wife of an accountant never has to say:
1. "Dang it, honey, you left shell casings in your pocket, again!" Usually said upon hearing the gawdawful clanging noise coming from the dryer.
2. "It's for you." Mumbled at 2:30am when the phone rings for the umpteenth time in the middle of the night during the past 15+ years of marriage.
3. "You might want to keep your voice down." Said to the Husband while he is speaking on his phone in a restaurant about a serious auto collision that just happened, and the department calls him because he is the accident reconstructionist. You say this because you realize everyone in the place is staring, because the Husband just said, "Is anyone dead?" quite loudly. You later suggest he may want to rephrase that question in the future to, "Are there any fatalities?" I don't know, it sounds a little less gruesome.
4. "Sorry, kids, change of plans." Said to the kids when a family whatever has been planned, and you and the kids are now doing it without the Husband, because he's just been called into work.
Things the Wife of an accountant never has to hear:
1. "Wash that uniform in really hot water. I had to wrestle with a guy with AIDS today, and he was bleeding." This is when you consider taking it out to the back yard and burning it.
2. "He's in the ER. He was in a car crash." You hear this from the dispatcher when you are unable to reach the Husband while he is at work. She thoughtfully patches you through so you can talk to the Husband and find out that he's fine. He was just hit head on by a drunk grandma while he was in his cruiser.
3. "We had something funny happen today. We had to deal with a guy who thought that because he was naked, he was also invisible."
4. "I'll be home late. We just had a stabbing."
5. "Oh, that's were I left it."
Found in the drawer while putting away clean laundry. (Please notice that it is unloaded before you try to call ''child welfare services".)